____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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