peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
