yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
