By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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