I want to make a zoo with you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
