I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
whose parrot is this?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
