Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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