Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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