Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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