Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
