He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
