are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
