its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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