I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
