so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
