new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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