He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
