Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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