I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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