On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
