he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
