I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
