didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
