if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
