What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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