I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
