We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
