kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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