Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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