Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
