my sisters under your porch take her home
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
