If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
