So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was confusing and full of hummus
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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