OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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