Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
