it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
