You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
