i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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