lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boobs speak an international language.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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