Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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