so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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