Non-Jews are for practice
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
