i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
