you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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