I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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