Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
