thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
