brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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