Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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