I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Can Purell be used as lube?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
