so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
