Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
