I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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