He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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