I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
