Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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