Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
