And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
