Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
