Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
