..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
