Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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