Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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