you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
