i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
