So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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