oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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