Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
