I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
