Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
