she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
