And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
