Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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