just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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